If you’re in California, you know that the craze right now in the garden world are succulents. This is mainly due to the drought that California is experiencing. In order to help the cause, instead of picking out regular flowers, I decided to pick up some succulents. My plan was to transfer these succulents I got from Ralph’s and put them into a cute terrarium and I would watch them grow and they would be aesthetically pleasing, yada yada yada.
Reality: After more than two months of having purchased the succulents I still had not taken them out of their original plastic pots and one died. How did I manage to kill a succulent? The reason succulent are more popular right now, at least here in my state, is because they require less water than normal plants. So, it made me wonder … how long did I let the plant go without water? I didn’t even know. Then my mind went to question how I am even allowed to care for a child if I can’t even keep a succulent alive.
I won’t lie and say that I have not had this very thought more times than I would like to admit, over the past fourteen months. I was lucky in a sense that I did not fall into post partum depression as many new mothers do. (Or at least if I did, it was not for long or at a great level.) I did, however, during my maternity leave cry many times because I felt as if I was just a milk machine. I was home all day but did not even have time for a shower. During my “free time” my mom and husband would tell me to go and nap but I didn’t want to. I wanted to watch tv, read, go on social media, I had a difficult time accepting that I was either with my baby or resting to later take care of him again. Many times I questioned what would happen with my career. Even now, there are days when I just want to fly out of the office at closing time and come home to see my sweetheart. But I know that while I have a responsibility as a mother, I also have a responsibility to my clients.
Now that Nick is a little older and can self-entertain I find myself doubting whether I am doing enough. Is it okay for him to be in his room “reading” while I catch up on a little reading myself in the den? Should I still be behind him every moment that he is awake? Or will that make him too dependent on me? You see, there is a pro and a con associated with every thought that comes into my mind.
There are nights when its 9:00 PM and Nick just won’t go to sleep. I get frustrated as often its been about an hour of getting ready for bed, a few bottles, and Nick is still fighting his sleep. It drives me insane. But all of this has just taught me one thing: parenthood is tough and unpredictable.
Keeping a succulent alive is easy, you just have to remember to water it. Unfortunately there are no 3 easy steps at being a good parent, or a secret formula that we can get to breeze through parenthood. Being a good parent takes time. It is not easy. And when you think you have it all figured out, they will enter a new stage that will turn everything you thought you knew, upside down. But hold on mama (or papa), I will tell you one thing with certainty, your child will prove to you day after day that it is all worth it.
But seriously, I’ll leave the gardening to my husband.
XOXO – L.
